Breaking Bread: The Power of Attuned Nourishment
Coming back home after being with my family for much of December, I sat down to eat my breakfast alone at my kitchen table for the first time in what felt like forever. It felt odd not to have anyone else in the kitchen making their own food, going for their second cup of coffee, or trying to keep their meal from being eaten by our beloved family pet. The lack of an “other” while I nourished myself to begin the day didn’t necessarily cross my mind as inherently negative, but the lack of friends and family at the table with me as I cut into my fried eggs gave me pause.
Fast forward to later in the day, and the pieces fell together naturally to explain some aspects of the negative emotions that my solo breakfast led me to. While reading Bonnie Badenoch’s book “The Heart of Trauma,” I was ecstatic to learn about how our digestion is impacted by how relationally connected we feel to whoever is giving us the food. Badenoch went on to describe how having someone who is attuned to our hunger and when we are full and satisfied helps us know our own cues for needing food or knowing when to stop eating.
Immediately upon reading this, I thought about my Greek Grandmother seemed so attuned to me when I needed a piece of baklava that they made with my nourishment in mind. When I ask folks about their favorite foods, so often people respond with certain dishes that friends or family make for them and know are their favorite. These might not be dishes that would be served at Michelin-star restaurants, but the emotional significance of being in a relationship with whoever is cooking for you seems to be far more impactful than a fancy meal at the best 10-course dinner in town.
If you are looking for a way to be there for a loved one, I would recommend asking them what you can cook for them the next time you spend time together. Of course, if you need some support, I would encourage you to ask your roommate, partner, or friend to cook together and see if it feels more fulfilling than meeting out for a meal. I’m surely going to take the idea of being more attuned to community and relational nourishment as I move into the new year, and I hope you do, too.